The Queer Couple’s Communication Code: How to Keep the Spark Alive

The Queer Couple’s Communication Code: How to  Keep the Spark Alive
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Hey there, love aficionados! It’s RaeRae and Bo, your dynamic duo of ‘leo-ness’. Today, we’re diving deep into the world of communication in queer relationships. Now, we all know that communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. But when you’re queer, you have the fabulous privilege of tossing out the heteronormative rulebook and crafting your own guidelines. So, let’s embark on this journey of redefining relationship communication and keeping the spark alive, shall we?

Why Communication is the Queer Couple’s Best Friend

Communication isn’t just a key in queer relationships; it’s the entire locksmith shop. We’re talking keys, locks, and even those cute little keychains. Being queer allows us the freedom to define our own norms, including how we communicate with our partners. So, why settle for a one-size-fits-all approach when we can tailor-make our own communication styles?

The Queer Advantage in Communication

Remove the norms: No Gendered Expectations

In heterosexual relationships, gender often dictates who does what, from who pays the bill to who initiates emotional conversations. But in queer relationships, we have the freedom to define these roles ourselves. Isn’t it liberating to know that you can be the emotional one today and the stoic one tomorrow, and it’s all okay?

Emotional Openness

We, in the queer community, have navigated the labyrinth of emotions that come with self-awareness, self-discovery, coming out and just existing in this mad world. This emotional intelligence often translates into more open, honest communication in our relationships. It’s like having an emotional GPS that helps us navigate the complexities of love. With that being said, it would be foolish to not also acknowledge that being emotionally open can be difficult for some us. Trauma, past experiences, grief, hell even being neurospicy (neurodivergent/neuroatypical) can make it hard to be emotionally open. Remember that practicing emotional openness is a vulnerable, energy-consuming journey that looks differently for everyone. Be patient and don’t be hard on yourself or others.

10 Ways to Ace Communication While Keeping the Spark Alive

1. Open Dialogue, Open Heart

Open dialogue means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and even your quirky preferences openly with your partner.

Remember when Bo surprised me with a pet snake for our anniversary? Let’s just say, a little dialogue could’ve saved Bo from a week on the couch and saved me from a mini heart attack. The snake did have to find a new home.

2. Scheduled Check-ins

Setting aside time to discuss your relationship can help you address issues before they become problems.

We have a weekly (if we’re really busy, monthly) “State of the Union” meeting, complete with an agenda and minutes. It’s like a corporate meeting, but the only stocks we’re interested in are emotional stocks! We talk about how we’re doing in this relationship and how we are doing individually. We talk about what issues we’ve had or are having and which solutions we can focus on.

3. Active Listening

Active listening involves fully focusing, understanding, and responding to your partner. It’s more than just hearing; it’s comprehending. It’s also learning to give yourself time to truly reflect on what has been said without impulsively reacting.

RaeRae once mentioned she loves matcha. Now, our kitchen looks like a matcha factory exploded in it. Listen to your partner; their words are a treasure trove of not only gift ideas but how they are feeling!

4. Non-Verbal Cues

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. A touch, a look, or even a sigh can convey what words cannot. A wink, a nudge, or a playful slap on the butt can speak volumes. Just make sure you’re both fluent in the same non-verbal language or things can get awkward, fast.

5. Texting Etiquette

Texting is convenient, but it’s not the place for serious relationship discussions. Save the big talks for face-to-face interactions.

We have a rule: No breaking up or making up over text. We don’t discuss things that require a face-to-face discussion through text. Unless it’s a GIF war, then all bets are off.

6. The “No-Zone” or “Down” Time

Designate a time where serious or heavy topics are off-limits. Use this time to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

We have a “no-zone”/”down” time where we don’t discuss heavy topics. It’s like a ceasefire but for relationship talks.

7. The Power of ‘We’

Using inclusive language like ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ or ‘I’ can make conversations feel less like accusations and more like teamwork.

Instead of saying “you need to do this,” we say “we should consider doing this.” It’s a small change that makes a big difference. Teamwork makes the dream work!

8. The “Pause” Button

When conversations get heated, take a break. A little space can provide a lot of perspective.

When things get heated, we hit the “pause” button and take a breather. Sometimes we’ll both leave the room and say we will come back in ten minutes. It’s like a commercial break for your relationship.

9. Love Languages

Understanding each other’s love languages can help you communicate love and appreciation more effectively.

RaeRae’s love language is “Acts of Service,” so for instance I do the dishes to show my love. Even though she likes cleaning! My love language is “Quality Time,” so she makes sure to keep dating and wooing me. It’s a win-win!

If you’re unsure what your love languages are you can also look for activities you both enjoy together. RaeRae and I both enjoy dancing. Here are some of the spots we go to when we’re not dancing at home.

10. Keep the Mystery Alive

Surprises can add a dash of excitement to your relationship and keep the lines of communication open.

We have a “mystery date” once a month where we plan a surprise for each other. It keeps the relationship exciting and the communication lines wide open.

Conclusion: The Queer Art of Communication

Communication in queer relationships is an art form, and guess what? We’re all artists here. So grab your palette of words, gestures, and emotions, and let’s create a masterpiece of love and understanding.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our blog, “RaeRae and Bo’s Adventures,” for more tips on navigating the colorful world of queer relationships. Until next time, keep talking and keep loving! 🌈💕

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